My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
