i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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