You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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