Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
