he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have fence marks all over my body
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
