Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
