You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
