So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
