So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
