considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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