You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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