Yo dont text me then not text me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
