woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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