Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
