Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
