NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
