bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
