No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
