I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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