Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize