my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
