Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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