That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
