I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
