hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
