hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
