Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
