The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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