just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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