Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
