So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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