at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
ttyl tear gas
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
