i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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