At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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