Is it normal to miss your booty call?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
