Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
