Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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