Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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