Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize