I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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