one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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