oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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