Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
