The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
