So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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