Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
