I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
