I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
