Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
