Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
