Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I touched a dick in church today
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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