So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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