how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
