you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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