he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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