Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
