i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
