after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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