Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
