I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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