Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
