My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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