woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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