your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
