meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
