question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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