I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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