I feel like I'm in dance class right now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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