i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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