worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
