Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
