My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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